Disneyland Trip at 63

I suppose going to Disneyland at 63 is like going to live in an old folks home at 16.  Isn't done much.  However, when you have kids, and you like them, you want to spend time with them, no matter what!  So, now I sit here with sore knees from 3 days of walking, swollen ankles caused by too much cheese popcorn, and a decision to go on another diet.  THIS TIME I MEAN IT!

You know how God talks to us through music?  He talked to us through the stars last night in the car on the way home.  At about 10 p.m., just as we were about at the Oregon border, we looked up to see the Big Dipper.  It was clearly visible through the windshield high in the sky.  It led us home.  Then, just as I was being amazed at that sight, the song "Homeward Bound" by Simon and Garfunkel came on the radio.  Thank you God for being with me, even when I don't recognize it. 

It was awesome watching Ken enjoy himself in Disneyland.  Seven years ago, I was blessed by this with Dan.  It is amazing to see them get lost in the magic that Walt created.  To watch your children have joy in an often hostile world in itself is magical.

Jesus loves His children so much.  We are His children!  Thank you Lord for letting us all go back again to being your kids here on earth at Disneyland.

quiet apartment

We all know God is in charge of our lives, and if we truly want to follow Him, He won't allow us to stray.  So, I am happy at last to not question my placement in my life, but see what's around me and what good I can do.  I am now in a tiny apartment and without my Rose, it gets boring.  I can't say lonely, because I am enjoying myself and being with me finally, but what to do?  So, I listen to what God's message is, and slow down.  "Be still and know that I am God."  God knows how hyper I have always been. Mom said "You would try the patience of a saint."  Sometimes criticisms are true!  I am learning to slow myself down, enjoy the quiet, follow God's path and wait upon the Lord.

My flower garden

I was talking to God this morning, thinking about my life, my sorrows, my regrets.  Then this came to me.  It makes as much sense to mourn the old rusty tools I used for creating my garden as it does to mourn my past.   I used those rusty old tools to break up my hardness of heart, to weed out my sins, and prepare good healthy rich soil for God to plant his beautiful flowers.  I can still miss those old rusty garden tools, and they are still over there in the shed, any time I want to visit them.  But they have done their job.  Sometimes, if the weeds come back, and getting out the old garden tools will help make God's flower garden more beautiful still, I can go back and fix it up.  God's garden is all I am interested in. 

Mary My Mother

I had been looking at a picture of Our Lady.  She was sitting, and looking out an open door.  I thought perhaps it was depicting the Annunciation.  It was such a peaceful scene.  Then in my mind's eye, I saw myself sitting with her, and her comforting me.  She had turned to me and had put her arm around my shoulder in a caring concerning way.  She is a great mom to me, just as she was a great mom to Jesus my brother.

Snapshots of Joy

Someone said that it is important to sing our song, or it will be left unsung.  So my song today is  about pictures that caught those unexplainably elated moments in my life.  I have held these all deep in my heart so today I will sing them.

 

One picture is of me and my two boys.  We had just adopted Dan, he was 5 and Ken was 7.  I was in heaven, I had added to my family.  My Ken was such a precious little boy, I wanted several children, and I knew Ken did too, so this picture my husband took of us shows a mother's deep love for her boys and the sense of completeness.   

I have a picture where I was coming out of Jesus' tomb in Jerusalem.  I had never had my soul cry out, and in the tomb that day my soul shouted "Jesus, Jesus."   A man in our pilgrimage group snapped my picture as I was exiting.  I didn't even remember him taking it, but the peace and serenity shows on my face. I had to sit for a while on a nearby bench to assimilate that awesome experience.   

Another snapshot is when I am holding my baby girl in my arms.  We had waited for her for two long years. This shows me sitting on our motel bed and I am holding Melissa up to my face and we are cheek to cheek looking at the camera.  She was just four weeks old, and my feeling of contentment is obvious.  Being a mom, though sometimes painful, is my greatest joy.  

I have another picture from my wedding when I have just turned to go down the aisle.  My face is smooth and serene.  Such peace and joy.

I hope to make many more photos that show the snapshots of peace, love and joy in my life.

Hermits

I never understood how anyone could be a hermit.  Didn't God create us to live in community?  Why else would he have allowed moms to have more than one child, and why else would it be necessary that there be two people to create.  Lately the lifestyle of a hermit seems awesome.  Total devotion to our Lord.  No outside distractors.  No misunderstandings.  No sinning against another.  Today with the internet and only seeing the words, we don't get to hear the sounds of the words, or see the meaning in the faces of those speaking.  The jokes that we feel are funny, when written are often interpreted as cruel or ungodly.  A long time ago I began praying that any time I felt the need to fix someone else, I would look within and fix myself.  So, when I am tempted to say something to fix someone now I stop and say to myself, what in me needs fixing.  It is a sad thing though when divisions happen because no amount of writing can clarify and often times sin of anger and resentment enter in.  The best way I see is for people to sit and talk one on one, but first there needs to be a deep love and deep respect between the two parties.  Being a hermit would avoid all the drama, but it seems to me, it would be lonely and only for a chosen few.  God has his reasons for putting us all together.  One priest said it is like we are all rough stones in a box, and as we are jostled about, we refine and shine each other into precious gems.  A misunderstanding certainly can refine and make gems of us all if we allow each other the respect and love.

Breaking down the barrier

This morning when I was talking to God before I got out of bed, I was telling Him I need to trust Him completely.  All of a sudden I felt a barrier break down in my  heart.  Then I saw a river flowing freely in my mind and I thought "Someone is praying for me."  To be fully one with God means letting the river flow without a barrier of any kind.  I see no dam in sight.  The freedom to fully trust God in all things is very peaceful to me.  It is much like falling and knowing there is someone behind with very strong arms to catch the fall.  Only the fall is not an accidental fall, it is a purposeful fall into grace and strong arms of the Father.  A certainty of things known in the mind.  It is now in my heart.  I love you Father for your love and strength in my life.

The Persecuted

I have been thinking lately of people who suffer because they are idiots.  They hide behind their persecution as being martyrs, when in truth they are persecuted because they are cruel, careless, and far away from Godly.  I want any sufferings I may endure because I am acting in a Godly way. I want to be shunned and persecuted because of the Truth.    There is a peace within my heart and soul when I am in line with my creator.  When that happens, any harsh words or actions don't even phase me.  So, my prayer will always be this:  "Lord may all of my actions reflect perfectly your ways."  In this, then, I will always be confident that I am hated for the Truth, not because I am using it as a shield for my idiocity.

Mary's mind

Since visiting Nazareth and where Mary grew up, I have felt a lot closer to Our Lady, the Blessed Mother. She totally gave herself to her Lord when she said yes to the Father's call.  She bore our Savior, but not without tremendous cost.  She could have been stoned in those days for being pregnant without being married.  Even her fiance deserted her, and "rightly" so.  He was so hurt and wounded by her pregnancy that he knew was not of him.  But he obeyed as Mary did, and listened and obeyed God's messenger.  I have completely abandoned my will for God's will.  I want what Mary wanted-- complete unquestionable trust.  So, Lord, whatever you will have me do to be obedient, I ask you for that gift.  Thank you Jesus for all the people you put in my life who are your messengers.

Change in prayer

As I have grown in my spiritual life through study of scripture and prayer, the Lord has given me a new insight recently.  I have been impatient and hurt by God because, although scripture says God will give us our heart's  desire, it is not happening for me. 

Since I know that God cannot love me more, and that He doesn't need to prove anything to me, then I must be the one who needs to prove my love for Him.  So lately I have been asking Him to open my heart.  It's not Him I should have issues with when I don't get my heart's desire, it's me.  I need to change.  So recently, I have been asking Him to open my hardened heart to be submissive to His will. 

He wants my  heart to belong only to Him and for it to be a natural heart, not a stony heart.

I ask you Lord to take away my hardened heart and give me a natural heart.  I know only then that my joy will be full.  I know then my joy will have no end.  I will know by this joy that I have arrived at the place in my spiritual journey where my Father will say "Well done good and faithful servant."  In His will is my peace.