Breaking down the barrier

This morning when I was talking to God before I got out of bed, I was telling Him I need to trust Him completely.  All of a sudden I felt a barrier break down in my  heart.  Then I saw a river flowing freely in my mind and I thought "Someone is praying for me."  To be fully one with God means letting the river flow without a barrier of any kind.  I see no dam in sight.  The freedom to fully trust God in all things is very peaceful to me.  It is much like falling and knowing there is someone behind with very strong arms to catch the fall.  Only the fall is not an accidental fall, it is a purposeful fall into grace and strong arms of the Father.  A certainty of things known in the mind.  It is now in my heart.  I love you Father for your love and strength in my life.

The Persecuted

I have been thinking lately of people who suffer because they are idiots.  They hide behind their persecution as being martyrs, when in truth they are persecuted because they are cruel, careless, and far away from Godly.  I want any sufferings I may endure because I am acting in a Godly way. I want to be shunned and persecuted because of the Truth.    There is a peace within my heart and soul when I am in line with my creator.  When that happens, any harsh words or actions don't even phase me.  So, my prayer will always be this:  "Lord may all of my actions reflect perfectly your ways."  In this, then, I will always be confident that I am hated for the Truth, not because I am using it as a shield for my idiocity.

Mary's mind

Since visiting Nazareth and where Mary grew up, I have felt a lot closer to Our Lady, the Blessed Mother. She totally gave herself to her Lord when she said yes to the Father's call.  She bore our Savior, but not without tremendous cost.  She could have been stoned in those days for being pregnant without being married.  Even her fiance deserted her, and "rightly" so.  He was so hurt and wounded by her pregnancy that he knew was not of him.  But he obeyed as Mary did, and listened and obeyed God's messenger.  I have completely abandoned my will for God's will.  I want what Mary wanted-- complete unquestionable trust.  So, Lord, whatever you will have me do to be obedient, I ask you for that gift.  Thank you Jesus for all the people you put in my life who are your messengers.

Change in prayer

As I have grown in my spiritual life through study of scripture and prayer, the Lord has given me a new insight recently.  I have been impatient and hurt by God because, although scripture says God will give us our heart's  desire, it is not happening for me. 

Since I know that God cannot love me more, and that He doesn't need to prove anything to me, then I must be the one who needs to prove my love for Him.  So lately I have been asking Him to open my heart.  It's not Him I should have issues with when I don't get my heart's desire, it's me.  I need to change.  So recently, I have been asking Him to open my hardened heart to be submissive to His will. 

He wants my  heart to belong only to Him and for it to be a natural heart, not a stony heart.

I ask you Lord to take away my hardened heart and give me a natural heart.  I know only then that my joy will be full.  I know then my joy will have no end.  I will know by this joy that I have arrived at the place in my spiritual journey where my Father will say "Well done good and faithful servant."  In His will is my peace.

When you are knocked down, BOUNCE!

Life is really shocking sometimes.  Just when you feel so safe and secure, bammo!  The real test is to see how long it takes to get back up, because you know you will eventually have to get on with life.  As Mother Theresa said "It's more important to be faithful than it is to be successful."  So, when my life gets flipped upside down, I need to remember that I will get back up because I have Jesus and He makes me strong enough.  I would like the time between the being knocked down and the getting up to be a lot closer together.  I think that when I reach the point when I bounce, I will have arrived.  When I can get  hit with any and everything life has to offer that seems horrific, and just bounce right back, spending no time at all on the ground-- then, then I will have arrived at the point God had planned for me all along.  His plan is for me to bounce!

A Few Life Tips for My Kids

1.  When you are at the lowest point and everyone has left, and you feel you have no worth at all, pick up a crucifix, look at Jesus' face and his suffering body and remember this "That is how much you are worth."
2.  When you have worked really hard at putting a life's plan to work, and it all comes tumbling down, just know that this too is in God's will. 
3.  When you are in prayer constantly, and you are looking forward to the end result, and then suddenly it doesn't happen at all, just remember that some place along the journey God wanted you to learn something or teach someone, and that your joy is in His plan, not yours.

The Only True Love

I was lying in bed this morning talking to God and thinking about the loves in my  life.  My desire to be loved is so huge.  I can analyze this but may or may not be correct.  You cannot make anyone love you.  You can only love God and yourself and others.  That part you CAN control, and no one can interfere.  It's interesting that that is the only commandment Jesus gave us, to love God and love our neighbors as ourselves.  It is so draining, and so tiring and so sad and lonely to desire to be loved for so many years, and find that yearning in vane.  So the weight of the longing can easily be dispelled by turning to God, self and others to love in a perfect love.  To love without any longing for love returned is the perfect love.  This is called unconditional love.